Zapped...

I normally am a happy-go-lucky character. So, nothing can turn my mood so bad that I stay miserable for days... Yet, there are times, when all I do is snap...snap...& snap......

Sometimes its miserable, sometimes its depressing......most of the times, its Anger! On whom? Or why? For what? Nothing seems to find the answer. Tears are the only things that come naturally......

So the task.......Do you want to continue your stay there, in that world of your's where all is tears....or Do you plan to get out?

Some want to just stay in there and continue being the way it, and of course continue with the tears....while Most of the lot will find the other way.....to get out....to be all positive minded and to get back in action....determined not to let themselves give in.............. Highly Motivated, I should say....... they came back..... Ultra-Positive..........

Bull-Shit!!!

Unfortunately, I belong to the former! Someone who continues in the same way for as long as it pleases me.

So nothing really goes your way.......that world where nothing fits into the picture......nothing goes as per planned...... Nobody fits in either who can talk you through........ But, mind you, there are zillions of those who can give you ADVICE, rather than shutting up and LISTENING! Its those times when you wonder, "Didn't they teach you how to listen to others in school?" or "You should attend the 'art of listening' classes. "

I definitely don't belong to the latter. That I am very sure of!

What lures me more is the former.......crying & Snapping!

Nothing is IDEAL in my world! Its all Realistic! And more so, PRACTICAL! Thats how I am. And I know many others are the same except they pretend to be the latter. But its not like I want to stay there....Deep down even I try to come out of things....but there are things you just get STUCK-UP to. There are things we debate if they really went wrong or others manipulated it so much so that it had to go wrong, against our wishes. I don't know. I somehow am more practical, because I still wonder if I went wrong. I was perhaps never wrong .....My only problem is that I end up blaming myself! Thats exactly the difference between the former and the latter ones here.........

Since the 'Positive' ones end up blaming others, its easier for them to come out of situations etc. They appear to be all positive etc etc..... but they're actually, in a worse state than us. they filled with more wrath, more anger, more vengeance! They are like a skin disease! The Ointment that the skin specialists give you only hides the top layers rather than healing from the core of the problem....which lies hidden underneath!!

And then there are these layers, that form, on top of the other, hiding everything that lies beneath. Continuous hiding becomes a habit. So layers accumulate. And as they say, very wisely, if you keep repeating the lies, sooner or later, they start to seem the Truth!! So combining all these facts, fiction & philosophy together, I come to the conclusion, that I am still better off...................

...............except that I am still as cynical.....still as stubborn.......still as difficult as I used to be.

Nothings changed......except the same old me..............Through thick and thin.......

I always find myself with just me at the end of days like these..........

Wonder Why......!!! Wish I didn't feel that way........ as someone very dearly tells me in a soothing voice....... "you shouldn't feel that way, na!"

It just doesn't work that way!!! Its very different for me...... the way I work!!!

Changing Times: a Leap

What was I?  The old Past

Who am I?  This Present

What can I be?  My Future

In simple terms, I am:

Madness. Rarity. Passion. Adapting.

Imaginary. Selective. Alert. Dreamy.

Originative. Sacrifice. Fascination.

Vanity. Arrogance. Inappropriate.

Reflection. Reaction. Torturous.

Rejuvenating. Unacceptable. Moving.

Smart. Intelligent. Essential. Change.

Expressive. Devoted. Zealous.

Elusive. Seeking. Purpose. Honest.

 Alluring. Hurtful. Inconsistent. Difficult.

Unidentified. Fearless. Distinguished.

Afraid. Emptiness. Deviation.

Aloof. Directionless. Anger.

Indulging. Imbalanced. Idle. Assumption.

Overwhelmed. Arty. Unaccustomed.

Winning. Bargaining. Losing.

Celebration.

Am I complex?

I am a simple package deal.

Q. Gross?

Ans. A stereotypical being with extra perks.

Q. In-Hand?

Ans. Someone who’s difficult to handle with ease.

Q. What should you expect?  

Ans. Safer to keep all expectations buried.

I am two Simple words but Complex interpretations.

Important is who I am.

Unconditional is what I should be.

My life is more than ordinary.

I am Abnormality at its creative best.

I am my mind. I am my heart.

I am a design. I am a process.

I am positive. I am negative.

I am not Relative.

I make my own space.

I am the new change.

I am S.I.M.P.L.E.

But perceptions are C.O.M.P.L.E.X.

Sometimes it just hurts....real strong!

You read something, It hurts.
You write something, It hurts.
You see something, It hurts.
You imagine something, It hurts.
You remember something, It still hurts.
You eat something,
It hurts so much so that you can’t eat.
Finally you end up not eating because it hurts so much.
I just can’t swallow sometimes.
Sometimes, I forget to breathe.
Sometimes, I don’t want to breathe.
Sometimes, i wish i couldn’t breathe.
Sometimes, i just want not to be able to.
I don’t know if I am angry or hurt?
I am so angry sometimes, it hurts.

It hurts more when no one knows.
It hurts most when you don’t want them to know.
And even more so, when They Know!

It hurts when small things are overlooked.
It hurts when some things are unsaid.
It hurts when you see others.
It hurts when you don’t see yourselves.

It hurts, when you are waiting
It hurts, when you don’t say it.
It hurts when you don’t see it.
It hurts because you don’t want to believe it.

It hurts when you are close.
It hurts when you are far.
It hurts when you know the distance.
It hurts more when you know the difference.

It hurts when you know.
It hurts when you don’t.

Sometimes you just want certain things.
Sometimes you just expect it.
It hurts because you know you can’t have it.
It hurts to know you are demanding.
It hurts when you can’t ask for it.
It hurts when can’t help yourself.
It hurts when you know what’s wrong.
It hurts even more when you know it’s you.

I sometimes feel like there’s a blister inside me....
Filled with something that needs to come out!
Ready to break!
Ready to burst!
Ready to erupt!
Ready to explode!
Ready to flow out!
Ready to drain out!

Broken apart
Torn apart
Fallen apart
Into pieces
Sometimes it feels like
A complete failure
Broken pieces
Ruined completely
Destroyed
Worth nothing
Left worn out
It breaks you down.
When you know there’s no one.

Somewhere, they say, there’ still hope.
So here I am
Still holding
Still wanting
Still wishing
Still dreaming
The same things I used to do!

But sometimes it’s difficult...to know
Who hurts more!
Who’s hurt more!

The difference
Is just a letter!
That’s why,
Sometimes,
It just hurts....real strong!

thrilled...

i just watched "August Rush"! great movie.....even better...the songs from the movie..... these are a few of my favourites.....i m biased towards jonathan rhys meyers ..... n i can drool over his voice forever...... Moondance...while sitting on the roof top and Break....the concert performance
Simply Super sexy voice.....
enjoy...

Finally back to blogging....

Amidst all this stupidity, fooling, lame-est adventurous life that i m living........a meagre existence....my love keeps me going.....my muse.......my perfectly insipiring sweetheart.........goes without saying......i m DEEPLY in LOVE!!!
yet i m bogged down with the "Elucive" mrktg presentations...........which bear no resemblance to any course that i am studying nowadays..........yet i have to present them with another bunch of "slimy, sticKy, ugly" "mind-stars" who are just so incapable of utilizing a brain that they were "Mistakenly" gifted!!!

anyway......this should have gone up on my frustration blog, but nevertheless......
TC.

journaling....

this is a page from my journal. just thought it was an interesting idea!!

Something Different

so lets do something fun.....

write down anything that comes on your mind when you think of LOVE. Even if its one word.

leave it in the comment section and let the whole world read it.

tc and cherish.

Whats new?

For all recent activity, goto, My L.O.V.E. blog.

And I am gonna be there for a while.

So read on and leave love notes for me if they hit some cord somewhere.

Hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoy posting them here.

HELLO EVERYONE !

This is for all of you who have been kind enough to reach here.
The most interesting thing happening with me is LOVE. So I have created this special blog for my Love and you can reach it by clicking on the link on the right ........ “My L.O.V.E. Blog”

The blog is called “PURE BLISS...an affair to remember”
or you can simply type in the search bar........ www.jalapenolove.blogspot.com

So all of you who have visited me here, I request you to go forward and get inspired too....and maybe fall in love... (With me and my grey matter for now!)
Am sure some will want to read on and some might hate it...but its actually the most beautiful feeling in the world!

So read on and keep visiting for interesting reads!

AN EARNEST START YET AGAIN

dear readers,

it feels so good to be back again blogging.......its inpiring, its positive, its radiating happiness around me .......

for all those who'v read it, my earlier blogs were

-from beginning till the end
-surabhisblog.blogspot.com
-an honest start



the postings in all these were just too messy for me to handle....way too random actually......
so i thought i should consolidate it with more interesting stuff and in more colourful ways that bring a smile to the readers.

therefore, i am back with correct links this time and hopefully make it as enjoyable for me as for all of you out there.

also, a special THANK YOU to all those who'v helped me reach this stage in my life that i finally hav understood the meaning of the word........O.R.G.A.N.I.Z.E.D ...... n the importance of ......D.I.S.C.I.P.L.I.N.E in anything you do.......

Hopefully, i'll try and bring these two back into my life.....the two things I hav always lived without so far........

so to you and to me.........

H.A.P.P.Y. B.E.G.I.N.N.I.N.G.S.....!